The Music Scene, what the fuck is going on?

The Bay Area, home to some of the most abrasive, challenging and badass music that has transpired throughout the decades. From 60's psychedelic music, to Thrash metal, to Doom bands such as Sleep and Neurosis, and even Primus; the Bay Area has had its fair share of musical talent come through.

But now, in the 21st Century, in the bay area; I see a bunch of shit getting recognized and the honest, passionate music being ignored. Though I think the underground is great, this music needs to get out to a good majority of people.

For the older audience out there: you remember when being part of your music scene was fun right? Everyone had a great time, the music was real, pot was smoked, people were anticipating releases from their local bands, creativity was at an all time high..... fuck I could go on and on.

I was born in 1991. So I wouldn't know what that was like, but from seeing people talk about it (including my parents! Can you imagine be jealous of your parents having FUN back in the day? I can) I realize that the music was much more vibrant back then. And FUN.

This coming from someone who has been playing music and shows since 2007. I've played my ass off in front of 5 people and 100 people. I've played with probably around 50 bands since then and I have played at many venues across the bay area. I've also been to countless local shows as well.

I think that saying "the music scene" is dead is definitely false. People who say this are simply looking the wrong place. If you are looking at all of this popular cheesy metalcore bullshit you will find nothing at all; just a bunch of pussies playing Z-tuned guitars and bitching about their ex-girlfriends. The thing is, all of these so-called "legitimate venues" and the shallow, fake "I care about local music" promoters support it simply because they can make a bunch of money of suburban yuppy kids who go to the shows. Now, it's perfectly fine if these kids want to play that music; they enjoy it, who gives a fuck. What I give a fuck about is real music being sucked under all of this cheesy trash.

What I see is artistic integrity being lost. Bands and musicians are simply focusing their attention on pleasing these weasel industry fuckheads who don't give a shit about the music in the first place. Creativity is being replaced with rehashing what the previous popular band did. No enjoys themselves at shows anymore, they just stand around updating their facebook statuses.

Last show I played in the east bay I became visibly pissed on stage. Though I was slightly drunk, I had some anger to all the kids who were sitting down, on their cell phones, not knowing what to make of music that wasn't thrash or death metal. Now, I don't give a shit if you like my music or not; that isn't what matters. What matters is that creativity is simply being ignored because of all these elitist fanboys who are too attached to their "scene".

You know what? Fuck your scene. If you just listen to metal all the time you are a narrow minded idiot. I see all of these assholes who won't touch anything that isn't "brutal" enough. "Oh know we it's not brutal enough to have gore as subject matter so we just have to go straight to talking about drowning in a pile of feces". Are you fucking serious? I love death metal, but all of these newer bands are increasingly losing the point.

Who knows, the musicianship is there; no doubt. But the creativity and attitude? Gone. I don't give a shit if your band is off-time, off-key, sloppy, whatever; but if you have that attitude, that spark, and you simply don't give a fuck; I'm behind you 100%. It's not about how many notes you can play at a million miles per hour, it's what you get out of a single note.

But the battle is the art. Do you distinguish yourself as an entertainer or an artist? For me, it's being an artist. I might be entertaining when I act like a jackass on stage, but when it comes to what I do it's 100% about the art.

There's this internal anger I have for my generation, that comes out in my playing, in my art. There is this massive struggle to do what you want to even if it alienates an audience in the process. I have played stuff that comes so far out from left field that people have no idea what to make of it. The music isn't bad by any means, it's just that narrow minded concert goers don't know what to make of it.

I don't know about them, but when I hear something new and different, it excites me. It puts a big fucking smile on my face when I see something like that.

Get creative. Don't follow trends. Play at illegal venues, house shows, parking lots wherever. Put out the music you play whenever you want. Ignore these shallow promoter fuckheads and promote yourself.

-Dr. Matt

Nerdisms - Play Skyrim, listen to Rush = Get pussy.

"Though I agree with the caption, you do have to be pretty badass to throw a  fireball".

Like many things in life that I thoroughly enjoy; doing nerdy shit is one thing on the top of my list besides masturbating and crying to Sinead O'Connor records. 

Seriously, who doesn't enjoy playing Skyrim while listening to Rush's 'Caress of Steel'? 

Unfortunately, these are the exact things that don't get you laid. If you even mention the idea of Necromancers, enchanted weapons, and the prophecy of the dragon-born will leave any female running to the door. That is, if  you don't bring it up correctly.

I began to think, I how could I possibly incorporate chronic nerdiness into conversation so that it won't alienate the ladies? It got me to think a little bit, though I claim to be no expert on the subject.

There are times when you simply don't want to converse about the simple bullshit with women. For me it's always something about an ex-boyfriend, they're VW bug, parties and all the crap. Shit, I just want to talk about the universe, my love for history and the music of Tool. But it's never simple and it always comes out awkward. I mean I can chat about your favorite moment of a Skrillex concert if it allows me to pursue some kind of encounter with you, but if it's not worth it... fuck it, I won't bother.

Shit, how can someone not be interested in Lord of the Rings, epic battles and so on? Are people seriously drained of all things that have some kind of weight behind it? All I'm looking for is some kind of depth in a conversation, whatever it may be.

But being nerdy shows a distinct willingness to dig deeper and express yourself away from the social norm. So why is this something that's off putting? Maybe it's because it's something that shallow and otherwise 'full of it' individuals can't understand. I'm sorry but hearing about jager bombs and going to the gym would make me want to tear out someone's throat.

Gonna start doing Band promotion shit! Woo hoo!

I figured since I spend enough time complaining, bitching and being an asshole about bands I figure I should least show some support to the up and coming ones I like. Every week or so I will feature a new band that I think kicks serious ass. And no, dubstep does not count as a band.

Most of the bands are going to be from the SF Bay Area, but Ill try to find ones in other places too.

Stay tuned.

The 80's are over. Deal with it.

Before I start this I would like you to know that I am a big fan of music from the 80's. Pretty much everything except hair 'metal' is enjoyable to me from this era. But with that being said, many musicians seem to dwell on this era like it was the glory days.

To me, what gets old is this constant 80's knock back metal that aims to keep the spirit of hairspray, tights and eye liner alive and ending up on another Vh1 series. There is no progression, no depth and no evolution. Just another bunch of whiskey drinking ballbusters who attempt to live out the glory days.

Does anyone really want to end up like Brett Michaels? Sure he had that show where he gets with a bunch of whores who probably couldn't even give a fuck about Poison; but creating a legacy based on showing up in reality T.V and exhausted reunion concerts over musical integrity and artistic merit? Count me out of that. All of that just seems like a really bad circus ast to me.

Think about that musicians. Forget that I'm an asshole for two seconds. And look deeper.

Jesus, man! Seal, and Warped Tour Rant

Ever seen the one video where this guy in a school hallway turns around a goes "Hey Scotty, Jesus man!" Scotty then turns around, smiles and they both go back to their Reagan wet dream. I'd post the link to the video, but shit gets fucked up on here when I copy and paste.

My point in mentioning this? Well periodically I go on a religious hatred binge, and I guess you could say that I'm at that point.

Maybe its because of Rick Santorum (you bitch-ass mother fucker shithead dickwad!) or maybe its because since the "end days" are rapidly approaching, more people are becoming Jesus freaks. Instead of going "hey this might just be a spiritual acension and growth for humankind!" its "turn to Jesus before the anti-christ comes to earth and rapes us all in the ass!" or "Wait for the rapture to come so we can all go to heaven!" I seriously hope the latter comes true.

Man, I was sure pissed when Harold Camping's rapture prediction was false. I wasn't mad in the sense that he is a religious loon spreading false prophecy, but I was mad in the sense that it didn't come true.

I was looking forward to waking up in a world where all the religious fartknockers ditched their clothes and went straight for heaven. First thing that came to my mind is: "shit, we can finally get something done down here!"

Who knows maybe the Christians and the bible are right about the antichrist. I would say that its Rick Santorum, but you probably already guessed that.

I'm sure the second Jesus comes back he's going to be like "Damn son, shits fucked up around here" then he'll go straight back to heaven.

Fuck I rip on religion so much. If there is a hell I'm going for sure.

"I am here to exorcise ghosts from your pants".

Ok, so I have no idea why I added a Gary Spivey photo. Who cares. I run this shit.

As for part 2 of this post, I am going to shed a little light as to why Seal is a fucking badass.

1. He did "Kiss From A Rose" and made a video to 'Batman Forever', the most sensitive of the batman movies.

2. He banged Heidi Klume. Let me say that once again. HE BANGED HEIDI KLUME.

3. He covered 'Fly Like An Eagle' for the movie Space jam.

4. He slaps the bass in 'Crazy'.

5. He banged Heidi Klume.

6. He defeated Chuck Norris in a fight. Chuck Norris cried.

7. Seal once saved 25 kids from a burning school bus.

8. Seal taught Prince how to shred on guitar. He was going to play on Purple Rain but couldn't due to a humanities mission in Tibet to save two sherpas on top of Mt. Everest.

9. Seal owns a Unicorn.

10. Seal is God.

I don't care what you think. Seal is a fucking excellent singer and his voice makes my penis tingle. Deal with it.

Warped Tour: The music festival equivilent of a tampon.

Every year it seems the Warped Tour lineup keeps getting shittier and shittier. In its beginnings there were a few decent punk and metal acts, making it somewhat worth while. Now the festival has been completely bogged down to appeal to the skunk haired hot topic weenbags who wear Justin Bieber tour shirts and buy Adam Lambert singles on itunes.

Fuck you fucking idiots.

I mean seriously. Brokencyde? The millionaires? Who in the fuck would ever want to be near that shit?

Maybe I'm over reacting. But I think that shit sucks. All of it. I'd rather rip off my cock and throw it in a river than ever listen to that horrible poppy garbage. And when it comes to the battle of the bands thing they have, respectable and good metal bands actually try to get on it.

WHAT THE FUCK GUYS. FUCK YOU FOR DOING THAT.

Anyways, the whole tour is a bunch of shit on a stick. Get it?

Shit: meaning that, it's plain horrible. Shit on a stick: mean that, it's accesible and easy.

So when one goes to warped tour, that means that he or she is actually taking a big bite out of a piece of shit on a stick. Hope you enjoy that taste of plastic mall paraphenalia and corporate ear rape you wussies.

I wonder what people over in Europe think of warped tour. Since they have all the big metal festivals and what not. They probably think we are a bunch of idiots who only listen to bands that bitch about their previous girlfriends. I can't stand that thought of being lumped in with a bunch of snakebite flaunting space cadets who wear nut hugger pants to pick up on 14 year olds.

You know what you should do if you are these people? Go to a rave and overdose on ecstasy. Go to a yacht party and die from alcohol poisoning while the ship sinks. Stand in front of a train. Jump off a bridge. Or, you can buy an Anthrax CD and just get with the fucking program.

Fuck your scene.

Douchebags.

You're Not Cool - Vol.2 - Ravers.

I believe every generation has its version of 'disco'. You know, the kind of movement that everyone seems to love and the few stubborn assholes like myself hate. My generation's version of disco (in my opinion) would be the rave culture and the electronic music 'phenomenon' that has brought millions of people my age and younger (or older if you're a sexual predator who goes to these things) laughable amounts of retardation.

Did I strike a nerve yet? Hopefully I will.

"Ravers ain't nothin' but bitches in a suit".

When it comes to ravers, raves are all they talk about and do. They don't fucking shut up about it. "Did you go to bass-drop electro house 7 last wednesday?" NO. I WAS AT HOME TRYING TO PLAY SKYRIM AND JERK OFF AT THE SAME TIME. But really, I didn't go to your shitty fucking drunk whore party on smelly pirate hooker island. To put it bluntly.

Like I've said in a previous post (refer to 'Dubstep sucks') I have been to two raves before. So I'm not really going off inexperience here. To me, if anyone went to one of those things sober; there would be a killing spree. You can only take so much of these party-panzy turdburglars for so long. In my case, an hour.

For ravers, life is simply about partying and acting like drama queens on the internet. That seems a little boring to me since you can only party for so long before you find yourself in a dumpster outside of a K-Mart. Not to mention the factor for being able to achieve an STD is at an all time high when you go to one of these things. In the same way Christians go to church to find Jesus, Ravers go to raves to find a 2 minute blow job in a public restroom.

Not that getting a blowjob is necessarily a bad thing, it just has to do with preference of location. Some prefer the McDonalds play-place ball pit to a glory hole.

One thing that really annoys me about me about ravers is this self-righteous 'bro' mentality and the 'PLUR' bullshit. The bro mentality being "Let's get fucked up and fuck bitches bro!" you know the kind of lingo that makes you want to bungee jump with the cable attached to your nutsack? Yeah that one. 

Raves are literally packed with bros and creepers who end up being on Dateline NBC and get arrested for being sexual predators. 

This goes along very well with the whole "image-infatuation" thing ravers possess. They claim to be 'individuals' when they really conform to a scene. Maybe I feel this way because I usually dress however the fuck I want to and couldn't really give shit about what I look like unless I'm trying to get laid at the time, even then, it's a very minimal care. "But it's raver gear!" Don't you mean..... rapist gear?

Then there is 'P.L.U.R' which means "Peace. Love. Unity. Respect". It sounds great on paper, but it's really just a set rules to keep ravers from killing each other whilst high on speed. Which they should probably try out sometime. Shit, it worked for the Romans. 

Maybe I'm annoyed at this because it is such a popular thing. I have a tendency to get annoyed at things that are popular, because 90% of the time things that are popular usually suck. To better understand this, I'll give examples of what sucked in my generation (so far). 

1. Backstreet boys and the boy band craze: have record label conglomerates get a bunch of clean-cut dudes from the mickey mouse club to sing crappy pop music in order to reach a pre-teen fanbase and sell pepsi products. LAME.

2. Billy Ray Cyrus/Miley Cyrus: Even though they were both popular at different time periods, I pair them together because they both found success off doing shitty country based pop music. Plus, Billy Ray sold his daughter to the disney channel. Good job you fucking no talent cracker assface!

3. Radio Disney: Get a bunch of kids through disney slave labor and have them do goody-goody pop music butt fuckery to make a quick buck off some poor sap who shops at the mall.

4. Pump-up sneakers: What a fucking gimmick. They never made me jump higher. Bullshit.

5. Linkin Park and Limp Bizkit: Get a bunch of mall creatures to package teenage angst in a CD and sell millions. Everyone in elementary school had 'Hybrid Theory' and I absolutely hated it.

6. Emo/Scene culture: What happens when you get enough people to shop at hot topic and attempt to look 'edgy'? You guessed it.

7. Beyblades: Killing bathtubs since '99.

8. Star Wars episodes 1, 2, and 3: FUCK YOU GEORGE LUCAS. FUCK YOU.

9. Twilight: Take vampires (who were once badass) and make them lame. Fanfare for fat chicks.

10. Taylor Swift: She is so talented though! NOT. T Swift is like elevator music for rednecks.

11. Jersey Shore: Someone nuke those fuckers already. 

12. The Kardashians: Another set of assholes who are famous for being famous. Send em to Siberia so they can get eaten by polar bears.

13. Raves/Dubstep.

Looking at this list, it definitely seems like the decline of western civilization. Soon we'll all be taken over by China because everyone is to busy raving and getting fucked up off bath salts.

Stupid ass mother fuckers.

Can you out Jesus Dave Mustaine? Can anyone?

Now don't get me wrong, I love Megadeth. Shit, when I saw them in 2010 with Slayer and Testament it was one of the best shows I've ever been to. There was a Jello Biafra intro, Vic Rattlehead came up on stage, and they played "Rust in Peace' in its' entirety.

The level and ability of Mustaine's playing is incredible, considering his brainchild has been responsible for some of heavy metals catchiest and fantastic riffs. I think the band is cheesy for the most part, but its good cheese. Like a tasty provolone or swiss. Though I tend to mainly focus on Daves' music, I couldn't help but notice that he has been going gung-ho with the Jesus stuff. What gives Dave? You're the metal maniac!

"More like, Jesus is my business... And business is good".

You know, I suppose you got to do whatever you need to do to get over snorting 8-balls and freebasing crack.  And if you gotta be the God-squad to do it, by all means do it. But shit, Dave Mustaine has been taking it to new levels. Refusing to play with bands that have satanic imagery, getting them kicked off bills, cheesy prayer circles, Megadeth moving into Creed-like states of christian imagery with a conspiracy theory twist (although I enjoy a good conspiracy theory or two) and etc.

Dave recently came out with two things that seem fairly controversial in the metal world. First off, he voiced his support for the republican presidential nominee Rick Santorum, simply because he went home to be with his sick daughter. Who the fuck wouldn't do that? Rick Santorum is exactly what heavy metal isn't about, lack of individuality and blind-folded fascist-conservatism. What the fuck Dave?

Secondly, he recently said he opposes gay marriage. Now, I always have an irritation for people who are against this stuff. Considering that A) It's not your decision. B) It's not your problem. And C) It's none of your fucking business who someone decides to marry, and it certainly isn't the governments' either. 

His quote was "I'm not gay, so I don't support it". Well shit Dave, I'm not gay either, I've certainly never sucked a dick or fondled balls, but I support gay marriage; because every married couple deserves the right to be miserable. In fact, I'm pretty sure that gay couples have the lowest divorce rate in the country. So maybe, what I can propose, is that only gay couples can married and make straight marriage illegal.

Who knows, maybe some gay dude was hitting on Dave Mustaine because of his fiery long hair during a San Francisco date of Gigantour. Or maybe Alexi Laiho tried to introduce Dave to bisexual curiousness whilst on tour with Megadeth in 2005. But maybe, Dave started taking mescaline again and received a divine message  from Jesus wearing a Marty Friedman fanboy shirt telling Dave to go against gay marriage and support republican assclowns.

Dammit Jesus, why do you gotta do that bro? Couldn't you wait to come back in few months to partake in rapture festivities? I was looking forward to a lack of ignorance on this planet. 

Too bad Jesus is a Metallica fan. I'm pretty sure the only Megadeth album he has is 'Youthanasia'. Just because 'Train of Consequences' had a wicked bass line.

Speaking of bass lines, David Ellefson (aka Dave Junior) seems to be catching up with trying to out-Jesus Mustaine. He even started his own ministry (the church thing, not Al Jorgensons' heroin induced industrial band) and even talks about how Christianity is the only religion that makes sense (Sorry junior, but i'm gonna go with Buddhism on that one) I don't agree with his views, but at least he doesn't come off as a dick.

Please, I pray to the metal-Gods that Megadeth does not end up being a thrash version of Stryper. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on this. Because you know, Stryper sucks ass.

The Daily Opinion - I don't a give shit about your boyfriend.

Ladies, why must you always mention your boyfriend every other minute in a conversation? Is this absolutely necessary into getting me to not hit on you?

I mean I like my dick and everything, but I'm not going to bring it up every fucking second thinking you might actually give shit. "Oh you have a penis? That's great! How long have you known each other?"

"You can say we've been through a lot".

So maybe I should put it this way, I view your pussy-whipped purse carrying boyfriend like a penis that isn't mine; I just don't give a shit about it. I understand that it exists and will accept that, but I don't want it in my face every five seconds.

Maybe if your boyfriend did something interesting like fucking a Thai transvestite stripper on top of an elephant, I would probably be more inclined to listen. But as long as your cleavage is out anything about your boyfriend will not hit my mind one bit.

Just because there's a goalie it doesn't mean you can't score.

More old fuck politicians, same bullshit.

It's election season, which means more corporate puppet scum to "choose" from. At least, we're lured into thinking that we have a choice and say in what our government does; even though we really don't.

But what gives? Doesn't voting count?

Well, maybe if you're voting on fixing the pothole down the street at your local town hall meeting with five other people, then it counts; but for shit that really matters in this country? Yeah right.

Collectively, we have been deceived into thinking we have choice and that these politicians actually care about people. They don't. Think of them as puppets, and the corporate banking elites as the puppet masters. And they own YOU.

But enough of my petty rants, believe what you want to believe. I think we should take a look at our "choices", kinda reminds you of McDonalds doesn't it?

I take a look at these guys; Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum etc. and I think to myself, "really is that the best they can do?" I mean, Michelle Bachmann was one thing. Because crazy-looking bitches are always attention getters. But you have to be shitting me with guys like Santorum, I figured all of this 'happy-go-lucky I love Jesus shit' was over and done with Reagan. Guess I was wrong, considering all of these fake ass christian people are coming back with vengeance.

 

 

"Enjoying that ice cream a little too much Ricky Boy?"

I am seriously fed up with all of these rich family values cocksuckers. Seriously, who gives a fuck what other people do with their lives? Gays want to get married? Go right ahead. You want to abort a fetus? Go ahead. You want to smoke a drug? Go right ahead mother fucker. Quit trying to police everyone with your fucking Bible-belt bullshit, this is the 21st century you facist pieces of shit.

I really hoped that Ron Paul would have a chance, even though that's looking slim. The dude has some great ideas and he's pretty real for the most part; but there is no way the corporate-banking elite fucknuts will ever let a guy who is against corruption into office. Such a fucking sadness.

But it's okay. No one needs to care about all the internet censorship bills, NDAA, flouride in the water, pesticides in our food, the endless bullshit war on terror etc. when there's a new season of Jersey Shore! Because that's more important right? Fucking idiots. Fascism is right at our fucking door yet no one seems to care, everyone's too busy eating cheese burgers like Rick Santorum secretly sucks dick for meth.

Too be continued.

Oh Danzig, you so crazy.

"Worship the cat-lord, mother fuckers".

These Danzig memes are priceless. I love everything this guy does, but come on, he has been immortalized on the internet because of these memes. And apparently he's not too amused by them. But Glenn, they're funny as all hell! (Samhain pun? Yeah.)

I've had the opportunity to see Danzig back in 2010. And it was a damn good show (even though I was drunk off 1 1/2 Four Lokos, but I digress) he played all the good stuff, even "How The Gods Kill" which gave me the biggest boner ever. So you know, props to the Zig, he can still kick some serious ass.

Mad respect.

Real, OG, Old School Gangsta Rap rules.

I've found myself in a very interesting place listening to Rap. Not that bullshit like lil wayne and Pitbull. But the real shit. I'm talking about Geto Boys, N.W.A, Big L, Souls of Mischief, Ice Cube, Eazy E etc. These guys are straight up real gangstas.

"Does Odd Future have a midget in their group? Nope".

Geto Boys are fantastic. Like fucking amazing. I'm pretty you have heard of them if you've seen Office Space, but still, this is some gangsta shit; I mean with lyrics like: "Back up in your ass with the resurrection, Is a group harder than an erection, that shows more affection, they wanna ban us on capitol hill, because its die mutha fuckas! Die mutha fuckas! kill!".

Mac Miller just had a seizure. That lame ass still raps about yogurt.

The interesting thing for me is that the popular, more radio oriented 'rap' gets all the attention and everyone eats it up like popcorn. People love the stupid shit like Andre Nickatina, Roach Gigs and all that crap. How does rap go from the street-smart and abrasive "Fuck the Police comin' straight from the underground" to the nonsensical and overly decadent "Find me in da club, drinking whiskey in a tub" ? Are you fucking kidding me? It's almost like watching the evolution of society, except it's a de-evolution. Rap, hip-hop, whatever you want to call it; has reached epic new lows. And it sucks, because the old school stuff is beyond great.

My best guess is that the genre went from trying to appeal to a pissed off male audience, to a happy go lucky teenage mall oriented audience. Where the name of the game isn't citing problems in the hood or with the cops, but by making sure there is a good beat in the club. You know what? Fuck the club. Fuck the mall. And fuck your Bentley. Who gives a shit about partying when you can express yourself through lyrical art in order to identify a cause? That I'm afraid, has all been lost.

Ever seen a Soulja Boy video? In one of them that dumbass no talent retard is trolling around on his scooter throwing money in the air because he has 'swag'. What a jerk-off. I hope he jumps off a bridge when his next albums goes #3.

N.W.A for life bitches.

Jesus wants you to do drugs and wear peoples skin while listening to Slayer.

"Jesus freaks didn't know Lemmy was Jesus. Too bad".

As a metalhead, there are many things you can do to piss off religious folk. You can blow your brains out to Judas Priest, play in a black metal band and blow your brains out and then have your buddy take a picture and use it as an album cover, start a cult, join a cult, join the Satanic church, suck a dick, listen to Deicide, suck Glen Bentons dick, dig up Dio's grave, brutally murder hipsters and wear their skin for a week.... the list goes on.

"But they're not christian rock!"

Of course I'm not encouraging any of this behavior, I'm just trying to be morbidly funny. But you get the point.

But what gives? Why don't you see Christians killing themselves to christian rock? You seriously can't listen to Flyleaf for more then 5 seconds without wanting to mainline draino through the vein under your penis.

We can take a turn to bands like Creed, who is the "kind of Christian kind of not" band that finds themselves in the hearts thousands of devoted Bible nerds and heavy-chested females alike. And for some reason, that is the weirdest, most fucked up fan combination I've heard of. Can Jesus lovers have big tits? Mary Magdalene sure did, but she and Jesus sure as shit wouldn't listen to Creed.


"But Matt they're not Christian!" Um, ever seen the 'Higher' video? Scott Stapp gets raised up like Jesus ascending to the heavens, while everyone is rocking out to some radio-friendly Post-grunge ear rape. Seriously, the spiritual overtones scream louder than King Diamond getting pinched n the balls. (Was the 'Human Clay' album title not obvious enough as a Biblical reference?).

To be honest, I think we have to deal with worse nowadays considering the "christian rock/metal" genre. Hey, Stryper was bad. But Norma Jean? August Burns Red? As I Lay Dying? Devil Wears Prada? Give me a fucking break. Talk about kids who didn't smoke enough pot or didn't listen to Hell Awaits enough times. You have to be the lowest of suburban fuckheads to start a christian metal band. These are the people who should have blown their brains out to Stryper records instead of Judas Priest. So the rest of us could be spared of these musical atrocities.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHPY-Bvq83w

The link above is a ministry-made documentary outlining how Heavy Metal is corrupting the youth of today. Not like religion already does that. But okay, I'm always down for some good entertainment. Better than lurking around pornhub for hours looking for something good right?

I just love how the idiot in the beginning is standing in front of glass portraits of Jesus and Mary while he is talking about how Heavy Metal is part of KGB communist propaganda in order to demoralize and cause rebellion. Love how they Blame Ozzy for everything too, even though the dude hasn't even been able to make a pancake since 1985.

Goddammit I love America.

Maybe we should take a look at Bill Hicks take on this whole "Devil in music" thing:


"They tell us "Rock'n'roll is the devil's music." Well, let's say we know that rock is the the devil's music, and we know that it is, for sure... At least he fuckin' jams! If it's a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the fuckin' Block...I'm gonna be surfin' on the lake of fire, rockin' out". - Bill Hicks

Guess I'm gonna be going to hell, good thing Satan listens to all the good shit. 

Dubstep. It sucks.

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Relationship Advice - With Dr. Matt

Tip #69.

If you're a nerdy guy, find a girl who is willing to fuck you and talk about star wars at the same time. Lord of the Rings works too. Think about it this way, it's double the excitement and makes for one hell of a conversation.

Need advice? Email me at Doomwizard543@yahoo.com with a question!

You're not cool. Volume 1.

With it being the supposed "International Evolution Day" I though it would be a good time to express my discontent with those self-righteous, self-important, human beings. You know, the people who try to act cool? Douchebags?Yeah, those people.

We see them everywhere. At school, work, the gym, church, public restrooms when you're trying to take a shit, everywhere. I think that if we collectively, as a society, can properly identify these people; then we are one step closer to making the world a better place.

"Like father, like son".

I'd like to start with one of my favorite douchebags to hate on since '98: Wannabe gangstas. Otherwise known as "Wiggers". These suburban badasses have been douching it up since Eminem and Limp Bizkit put out their first albums. Life for them has consisted of trying to rap, trying to get drunk, trying to smoke weed, and trying to get laid. However, they can't rap, they get drunk off one beer, pass out from a hit of a joint, and the only chick who will fuck them is that morbidly obese greeter with a peg leg at wal-mart. 

However since the late 90's, these track-home hoodrats have evolved into "Brosters" which is a combination of  'bro' and 'gangsta'. They take the bro mannerisms such as obsessive gym time, MMA, jagermeister, and useless sports knowledge and combine it with rimmed range rovers, Lil Wayne, authentic baseball caps (turned sideways of course) and baggy clothes. And now, they actually do get laid, especially by girls who are on 1 1/2 fifths of vodka. Unplanned pregnancies and STD's? I think so!

In fact, these are the exact people who should not be having sex at all. If you combine a bro-wannabe-gangsta assclown fuckhead with a dumbass, OC, plastic twat, then you have yourself some of the worst kids  an ovary can produce. Please ladies, stop being shallow, there are better guys out there for you.

"Eazy-E is rolling in his grave".

Even more proof that white people shouldn't partake in the gangsta lifestyle is none other than Mac Miller. The Poster boy for extreme suburban-college douchebaggery. His "raps" have inspired bros all over the country to drink jagerbombs, wear nikes, and live out of the great college life. If only this cheeseball had any musical integrity or the important one.... talent. Since when did rap go from "Got my pistol pawn cocked, unloading shots until I see your monkey ass drop" to "aye cream cheese and a bagel,have a glass of milk and an eggo, im rockin pjs and no shirt, i smoke weed and eat yogurt". 

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED???? I'm starting to think Biggie and Tupac killed each other on purpose, just because they knew this was going to happen. What the fucking fuck.

Its this predetermined stupidity that the masculine ego follows in this society. To me, this is much like de-evolution, the process of when the corporate masters dumb down everything so it can be more easily consumed. And bros, bitches, and all of these fucking idiots eat this shit up like a jager flavored rice crispy treat. You fucking clowns, quit unleashing your stupidity on the rest of us. 

You know Volume 2 is going to be about? Hipsters. You self righteous hippy dippy fuckheads.

The Beginners guide to Heavy Metal

In the world of heavy metal, I believe that there are many do's and do not's. Slayer and Morbid Angel? That's a do. Emmure and Attack Attack? That is definitely a FUCK NO.

Since I've been listening to metal since for a little more than 13 years, I think I have pretty good idea about what its about; granted that I sometimes get irritated at the genre and its fans. Metal usually finds its way to that warm spot underneath my testicles, and when I hear riffs that are just oh-so-fucking good; my penis starts to tingle a little bit. Can you get the feeling when listening to Celine Dion? I don't think so, unless Seal is the one fondling your balls while you're listening to the Titanic soundtrack.

The Heavy Metal genre is fairly expansive to say the least. With many sub-genres and bands stretching as far back as 1969; there is much to listen to if you are just starting to ditch your Linkin Park and Flyleaf records to find something much more satisfying. And that's why I'm here to help.

Let's start off with the basics first. Ready? Good. Because this shit is going to grab you the balls and won't let go.

Black Sabbath - Paranoid.

Well known? Yeah. Bad ass? Oh fuck yeah. If you don't know of Sabbath I would recommend sticking your hand in a garbage disposal. To beginners, this album has potential to be listened to upwards of a 100 times a day. Tony Iommi's riffs are godly, Geezer and Bill Ward have the heaviest jazz rhythm style in the galaxy, and Ozzy? Well you get Ozzy, the Prince of Darkness pre-reality TV show Dad. Highlights? Try blasting War Pigs. Your neighbors will love it.

Metallica - Ride The Lightening.

Straight up 1980's thrash right here, with no bullshit, no scarves, country songs or Bob Rock. Just Metallica the way they should be. Try jacking off and listening to 'Creeping Death' at the same time, you won't be able to thank me enough.

Pantera - Vulgar Display of Power.

Listening to this album is better than fisting. In fact, if you've done it, it's much like fisting at 1000 mph.

Slayer - Reign In Blood.

The only Slayer album that gets talked about on Vh1 Classic. I know, I know.... but, it's a fantastic album. Especially if you want to get into the really fast, heavy and evil stuff. Thrash at its finest.

So I think I've shown the best basics. The good shit anyways.

But from time to time I do get questions about metal. Which can be pretty entertaining. Because you know, I'm not going around asking dumb ass questions about dubstep, which I think sucks.

Q: I like the instrumentals in metal, but not the singing. Why does it always sound like Satan growling?

A: That's like saying, "I'm into chicks, but I don't like vagina". Well, stop listening to brokencyde then.

Q: What was the first heavy metal band?

A: The Bee Gees.

Q: Yeah that metal stuff is cool and all, but shouldn't you be grown out of it by now?

A: You're the kind of person who should get alcohol poisoning while listening to Kanye West. So have at it.

Q: Metallica or Megadeth?

A: Slayer.

Q: I listened to Black Sabbath, it isn't as heavy as Children of Bodom!

A: Please, take the dicks out of your ears. Iommi can out shred Laiho in his sleep.

Q: What do you think of Asking Alexandria?

A: I don't. I try to shut the existence of that pussy-crap out of my mind.

Q: Best venues for metal?

A: In all honesty, the illegal ones.

Dr. Matt's quick guide to being in a band:

1. Pick up an instrument.

2. Find people to play with. Doesn't matter if everyone sucks.

3. Smoke weed.

4. Drink beer.

5. Jam.

Dr. Matt's quick guide to metal-doucheness.

1. Metalcore for the most part sucks.

2. Children of Bodom sucks.

3. I'm sorry to say it, but not at the same time, if smoking weed as never been part of the music; then it probably sucks.

4. Anything that involves energy drinks and jagermeister is probably pure cheese.

5. If you just listen to metal and not anything else, then you are probably a douchebag.

6. If your band makes points about selling your shitty t-shirts and your myspace page, then your band probably sucks.

7. Selling pre-sale tickets is lame as fuck. Try not to agree with it. If you have to, don't sell any or give them away for free.

8. Keep christianity out of metal. No one cares about your stupid religious beliefs. Spirituality is OK.

9. Beware of greedy, corporate cock-sucking "music industry" people. They don't give a shit about music.

10. Play metal for the love of playing it. Not for girls, not for record labels, no one else but you and your homies.

What all good parents do.

The beginners guide to suicide and heavy metal:

Remember that whole debacle back in the 80's where those two kids killed themselves while listening to Judas Priest? Well, if you're going to do the dirty; here's some tips to do it the right way.

1. Pick a terrible artist to kill yourself to, like Justin Bieber. So when the authorities find your brains splattered around your room, it will look like the Bieber record was the cause of it. Thus, Bieber will get blamed in court, instead of Rob Halford.

2. Go out metal-style, like what Dead of Mayhem did. Tell your friends to take pictures.

3. Have fun in hell surfing a lake of fire, rocking out to Deicide.

Chapter 2. You, Satan, Weed, and Heavy Metal.

It's the magic triad of sorts isn't it? The combination that has been fueling chaos-addicted youngsters for decades. Just look at Electric Wizard, those guys take weed, satan , and metal to another level. Not to mention that they rule. Hard.

Let's be honest, without Weed and the concept of the Devil; heavy metal as we know it wouldn't be the same. It would probably be disco. So with that said, how do YOU fit into all this? It's quite simple really.

1. Get some of the finest purple you can find. Buy it off that guy with the overcoat and beret in the park if you have to.

2. Draw a pentagram on the floor. Put candles next to each tip.

3. Put on "Dopethrone" by Electric Wizard or "Dopesmoker" by Sleep.

4. Conjure up Satan.

5. Light up. Get high with Satan.

6. Have a good time.

                                                  Don't touch Danzigs' cake mother fuckers....

I guess any final advice I can give about metal is to not touch Danzigs' cake. Because he will fucking kill you.

An Introduction.... and a farewell to sanity.

I honestly don't know why I created this blog. Maybe it's because I have too much time on my hands. Maybe its because I can only masturbate twice a day before I run dry. Or perhaps its because I have this uncanny ability to voice my opinion and views on things and piss people off in the process.

So, as for my incentives on this motherfuckin' shit: I will do my best to post commentary on music, culture etc. Advice on relationships, how to do's and all that shit in my own, pretentious, asshole way. I may sound like an asshole most of the time, but in actuality I'm not; I'm just a highly opinionated son of bitch.

With that said, enjoy my shit. Fuckers.