You're not cool. Volume 1.

With it being the supposed "International Evolution Day" I though it would be a good time to express my discontent with those self-righteous, self-important, human beings. You know, the people who try to act cool? Douchebags?Yeah, those people.

We see them everywhere. At school, work, the gym, church, public restrooms when you're trying to take a shit, everywhere. I think that if we collectively, as a society, can properly identify these people; then we are one step closer to making the world a better place.

"Like father, like son".

I'd like to start with one of my favorite douchebags to hate on since '98: Wannabe gangstas. Otherwise known as "Wiggers". These suburban badasses have been douching it up since Eminem and Limp Bizkit put out their first albums. Life for them has consisted of trying to rap, trying to get drunk, trying to smoke weed, and trying to get laid. However, they can't rap, they get drunk off one beer, pass out from a hit of a joint, and the only chick who will fuck them is that morbidly obese greeter with a peg leg at wal-mart. 

However since the late 90's, these track-home hoodrats have evolved into "Brosters" which is a combination of  'bro' and 'gangsta'. They take the bro mannerisms such as obsessive gym time, MMA, jagermeister, and useless sports knowledge and combine it with rimmed range rovers, Lil Wayne, authentic baseball caps (turned sideways of course) and baggy clothes. And now, they actually do get laid, especially by girls who are on 1 1/2 fifths of vodka. Unplanned pregnancies and STD's? I think so!

In fact, these are the exact people who should not be having sex at all. If you combine a bro-wannabe-gangsta assclown fuckhead with a dumbass, OC, plastic twat, then you have yourself some of the worst kids  an ovary can produce. Please ladies, stop being shallow, there are better guys out there for you.

"Eazy-E is rolling in his grave".

Even more proof that white people shouldn't partake in the gangsta lifestyle is none other than Mac Miller. The Poster boy for extreme suburban-college douchebaggery. His "raps" have inspired bros all over the country to drink jagerbombs, wear nikes, and live out of the great college life. If only this cheeseball had any musical integrity or the important one.... talent. Since when did rap go from "Got my pistol pawn cocked, unloading shots until I see your monkey ass drop" to "aye cream cheese and a bagel,have a glass of milk and an eggo, im rockin pjs and no shirt, i smoke weed and eat yogurt". 

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED???? I'm starting to think Biggie and Tupac killed each other on purpose, just because they knew this was going to happen. What the fucking fuck.

Its this predetermined stupidity that the masculine ego follows in this society. To me, this is much like de-evolution, the process of when the corporate masters dumb down everything so it can be more easily consumed. And bros, bitches, and all of these fucking idiots eat this shit up like a jager flavored rice crispy treat. You fucking clowns, quit unleashing your stupidity on the rest of us. 

You know Volume 2 is going to be about? Hipsters. You self righteous hippy dippy fuckheads.