Nerdisms - Play Skyrim, listen to Rush = Get pussy.

"Though I agree with the caption, you do have to be pretty badass to throw a  fireball".

Like many things in life that I thoroughly enjoy; doing nerdy shit is one thing on the top of my list besides masturbating and crying to Sinead O'Connor records. 

Seriously, who doesn't enjoy playing Skyrim while listening to Rush's 'Caress of Steel'? 

Unfortunately, these are the exact things that don't get you laid. If you even mention the idea of Necromancers, enchanted weapons, and the prophecy of the dragon-born will leave any female running to the door. That is, if  you don't bring it up correctly.

I began to think, I how could I possibly incorporate chronic nerdiness into conversation so that it won't alienate the ladies? It got me to think a little bit, though I claim to be no expert on the subject.

There are times when you simply don't want to converse about the simple bullshit with women. For me it's always something about an ex-boyfriend, they're VW bug, parties and all the crap. Shit, I just want to talk about the universe, my love for history and the music of Tool. But it's never simple and it always comes out awkward. I mean I can chat about your favorite moment of a Skrillex concert if it allows me to pursue some kind of encounter with you, but if it's not worth it... fuck it, I won't bother.

Shit, how can someone not be interested in Lord of the Rings, epic battles and so on? Are people seriously drained of all things that have some kind of weight behind it? All I'm looking for is some kind of depth in a conversation, whatever it may be.

But being nerdy shows a distinct willingness to dig deeper and express yourself away from the social norm. So why is this something that's off putting? Maybe it's because it's something that shallow and otherwise 'full of it' individuals can't understand. I'm sorry but hearing about jager bombs and going to the gym would make me want to tear out someone's throat.

Gonna start doing Band promotion shit! Woo hoo!

I figured since I spend enough time complaining, bitching and being an asshole about bands I figure I should least show some support to the up and coming ones I like. Every week or so I will feature a new band that I think kicks serious ass. And no, dubstep does not count as a band.

Most of the bands are going to be from the SF Bay Area, but Ill try to find ones in other places too.

Stay tuned.

The 80's are over. Deal with it.

Before I start this I would like you to know that I am a big fan of music from the 80's. Pretty much everything except hair 'metal' is enjoyable to me from this era. But with that being said, many musicians seem to dwell on this era like it was the glory days.

To me, what gets old is this constant 80's knock back metal that aims to keep the spirit of hairspray, tights and eye liner alive and ending up on another Vh1 series. There is no progression, no depth and no evolution. Just another bunch of whiskey drinking ballbusters who attempt to live out the glory days.

Does anyone really want to end up like Brett Michaels? Sure he had that show where he gets with a bunch of whores who probably couldn't even give a fuck about Poison; but creating a legacy based on showing up in reality T.V and exhausted reunion concerts over musical integrity and artistic merit? Count me out of that. All of that just seems like a really bad circus ast to me.

Think about that musicians. Forget that I'm an asshole for two seconds. And look deeper.

Jesus, man! Seal, and Warped Tour Rant

Ever seen the one video where this guy in a school hallway turns around a goes "Hey Scotty, Jesus man!" Scotty then turns around, smiles and they both go back to their Reagan wet dream. I'd post the link to the video, but shit gets fucked up on here when I copy and paste.

My point in mentioning this? Well periodically I go on a religious hatred binge, and I guess you could say that I'm at that point.

Maybe its because of Rick Santorum (you bitch-ass mother fucker shithead dickwad!) or maybe its because since the "end days" are rapidly approaching, more people are becoming Jesus freaks. Instead of going "hey this might just be a spiritual acension and growth for humankind!" its "turn to Jesus before the anti-christ comes to earth and rapes us all in the ass!" or "Wait for the rapture to come so we can all go to heaven!" I seriously hope the latter comes true.

Man, I was sure pissed when Harold Camping's rapture prediction was false. I wasn't mad in the sense that he is a religious loon spreading false prophecy, but I was mad in the sense that it didn't come true.

I was looking forward to waking up in a world where all the religious fartknockers ditched their clothes and went straight for heaven. First thing that came to my mind is: "shit, we can finally get something done down here!"

Who knows maybe the Christians and the bible are right about the antichrist. I would say that its Rick Santorum, but you probably already guessed that.

I'm sure the second Jesus comes back he's going to be like "Damn son, shits fucked up around here" then he'll go straight back to heaven.

Fuck I rip on religion so much. If there is a hell I'm going for sure.

"I am here to exorcise ghosts from your pants".

Ok, so I have no idea why I added a Gary Spivey photo. Who cares. I run this shit.

As for part 2 of this post, I am going to shed a little light as to why Seal is a fucking badass.

1. He did "Kiss From A Rose" and made a video to 'Batman Forever', the most sensitive of the batman movies.

2. He banged Heidi Klume. Let me say that once again. HE BANGED HEIDI KLUME.

3. He covered 'Fly Like An Eagle' for the movie Space jam.

4. He slaps the bass in 'Crazy'.

5. He banged Heidi Klume.

6. He defeated Chuck Norris in a fight. Chuck Norris cried.

7. Seal once saved 25 kids from a burning school bus.

8. Seal taught Prince how to shred on guitar. He was going to play on Purple Rain but couldn't due to a humanities mission in Tibet to save two sherpas on top of Mt. Everest.

9. Seal owns a Unicorn.

10. Seal is God.

I don't care what you think. Seal is a fucking excellent singer and his voice makes my penis tingle. Deal with it.

Warped Tour: The music festival equivilent of a tampon.

Every year it seems the Warped Tour lineup keeps getting shittier and shittier. In its beginnings there were a few decent punk and metal acts, making it somewhat worth while. Now the festival has been completely bogged down to appeal to the skunk haired hot topic weenbags who wear Justin Bieber tour shirts and buy Adam Lambert singles on itunes.

Fuck you fucking idiots.

I mean seriously. Brokencyde? The millionaires? Who in the fuck would ever want to be near that shit?

Maybe I'm over reacting. But I think that shit sucks. All of it. I'd rather rip off my cock and throw it in a river than ever listen to that horrible poppy garbage. And when it comes to the battle of the bands thing they have, respectable and good metal bands actually try to get on it.

WHAT THE FUCK GUYS. FUCK YOU FOR DOING THAT.

Anyways, the whole tour is a bunch of shit on a stick. Get it?

Shit: meaning that, it's plain horrible. Shit on a stick: mean that, it's accesible and easy.

So when one goes to warped tour, that means that he or she is actually taking a big bite out of a piece of shit on a stick. Hope you enjoy that taste of plastic mall paraphenalia and corporate ear rape you wussies.

I wonder what people over in Europe think of warped tour. Since they have all the big metal festivals and what not. They probably think we are a bunch of idiots who only listen to bands that bitch about their previous girlfriends. I can't stand that thought of being lumped in with a bunch of snakebite flaunting space cadets who wear nut hugger pants to pick up on 14 year olds.

You know what you should do if you are these people? Go to a rave and overdose on ecstasy. Go to a yacht party and die from alcohol poisoning while the ship sinks. Stand in front of a train. Jump off a bridge. Or, you can buy an Anthrax CD and just get with the fucking program.

Fuck your scene.

Douchebags.